Diabetes is kicking my A**!!

Well... it's official.... Diabetes is kicking my ass!

I suppose I can go ahead and safely say here that I am 9 weeks pregnant. Most people in our lives are starting to find out now. We've tried our best to keep it secret since we found out on the 21st of January. After my best friend's miscarriage a few months ago, I was full of anxiety and fears about this baby not surviving the first few weeks.

Some of my early symptoms were HATING the smell of popcorn, and higher than normal blood sugars. I had actually adjusted my pump rates a few days before I had a positive pregnancy test. I honestly didn't think I was pregnant. I had had a longer than typical cycle the month before, and really had NO clue when I was ovulating... maybe TMI, but we really hadn't TRIED during the holidays, so I was pretty shocked when I got the positive test. I had to work in PICU that day, so I didn't have much time to dwell on it. I took a Clearblue digital test and within a few seconds it simply said "Pregnant"... I probably spent longer searching for the word "Not." I couldn't believe it wasn't there. I imediately told Adam, who was still sleeping at the time, so no special announcement like I had played in my head so many times over and over again.

The next few weeks were just waiting and hoping everything was going to be okay, and worrying. I know that worrying doesn't help anything, but it doesn't change the fact that I am a worrier and I always have been. We told both of our mothers, and I made appointments with my doctors. Enter the ass kicking.

My endo had me immediately come in for a lab draw for my thyroid hormones, which were a little off, so I had to adjust my Synthroid. Then on Feb 14th I met with him again for my A1c and check up. A1c = 6.1%. Not the 5.8% I had pre-pregnancy, but not terrible. On Feb 15th I met with my new OB, Dr. Kimberlin, at UAB High-Risk Obstetrics Clinic. I liked her for the most part. She was pretty straight forward, and opinionated too... She wants to control all my diabetes management.

They gave me some new goals to aim for: fasting BG <105 mg/dl and 2-hr post-meal BG <120. These are some tough goals, my friends. Not to mention that since this time I have been plagued by what I can only describe as the Murphy's Law of diabetes. I have in the past two weeks had:
1. Bad insulin in my pump (BG >350 for about 6 hours)
2. My pump didn't get connected back correctly after a shower (BG >250 for 2 hours)
3. My pump tubing had air bubbles in it, so I wasn't getting insulin, just air (BG>200 for 2 hours)

It has sucked!

Luckily I've been started on CGMS, so I can see what my blood sugars are doing almost constantly. It has helped so much! But, it has also caused some anxiety. My doctor described it to me as seeing the "warts" of my diabetes control. With finger sticks I used to only see my fasting numbers, before meals, and long after meals when the insulin had worked its magic already, but now I see every little spike. I KNOW what that food is doing to me... I know too much sometimes.

I've also had my fair share of lows! As the pregnancy has progressed I've seen lows like I've never seen before. Some days I'm consuming 800-1000 calories just in juice to keep up my blood sugars. My pump is constantly alarming at me that I am low. I don't sleep for more than a few hours without it going off to tell me I'm too low! The other day I took a nap and woke up with my heart POUNDING.... BG 17!! Yes, that is 1 7... LOW!! UGh... it has been a mess!

Last night was when I had air in my tubing and I was doing everything I could think of to get my numbers to come down. I was so frustrated! I just started crying and crying. It sucks having diabetes and being pregnant! And, while, yes, I am over the moon excited, it just isn't the thing on my mind right now... its numbers. Blood sugar. Insulin. A1c. Thyroid numbers.

I know I have trained for the marathon, but now that I'm running it, it is kicking my butt. Hopefully the endorphins will kick in soon and give me a boost. I'm in need!

Also at the appt on the 15th we got to see the baby and it's heart was beating so fast. Everything looked great, and the baby was 1.14cm... tiny! So, as my doctor said to me... I will try to remember that some of this is supposed to be exciting! And I will try to not obsess about those numbers that are driving me crazy!

(PS- I should probably add that I haven't told all of my family about this news yet. We plan on sharing the news with them this week. So, if you know my in real life or on facebook. I would appreciate you not sharing the information there at this point. Thanks!)