Christmas

We spent Christmas with Adam's family. We had a great time! It even snowed in Alabama on Christmas! It was the first white Christmas since 1989!

And now... for some pictures...

Merry Christmas All!

CONCEIVE!

I went to my OB/GYN annual appointment yesterday. The appointment went well despite it beginning by a miserable 15 minutes in the waiting room SURROUNDED by pregnant women of all ages, shapes, sizes,  etc. The girl sitting beside me was 37 weeks pregnant with twins, and she looked miserable!

There was this random older lady that started quizzing the super-preg beside me. She ended her conversation by looking at the pregnant lady and saying, "I'm here for a mammogram, it's obvious why you're here," then she looks at me and finishes by saying, "what are you here for? Are you expecting too?" I just looked at her and calmly said, "Pap smear." She shut up.

My blood pressure was good 110/68, my weight was good 189 (with boots, jeans, tshirt, and a sweater on). My doctor was VERY pleased with my 5.8% A1c (even though my Endo hates it being that low). So, then we got down to business and talked about the TTC mess.

Basically the moral of it is, "If at first you don't conceive, try and try again... for a year." Now, I wasn't at all surprised by this, in fact most sites, books, magazines, forums, etc. say that you should try to conceive for 1 year before seeking fertility assistance. I was just a little unsure. It is just hard to try and try again for something and expect something to all-of-the-sudden be different. I believe that that might actually be Albert Einsteins definition of insanity in fact. Anyways...

She said if after a year of trying we still are coming up short, she will look into things further. Sperm analysis for the dear husband, and a laproscopy for me... surgery isn't on my current things I want to do list, so I'm good with waiting for a while longer.

As I was leaving the appointment she handed me some magazines to take with me. One of them was titled "Conceive." It cracks me up so much... like it's a declarative statement. OK, I say... I'm working on it!

I think it went well, all in all, and I guess I left there no better, no worse than when I went in. At least the Pap is over for this year! Anyways, I believe that God works in his own time, so I'm gonna just try to trust Him to take us down the path that He has laid out for us.


                                                                                ***

(On a side and totally unrelated note... I went to Surin West today for lunch, anyone want to guess who my server was... Christina? Rachel? I think you ladies might have an idea... Gabriel. It was way weird, and he was so CREEPY. As he handed me the check he said, "Holy SHIT! You're married!" Um... yeah. )

Dear Aunt Flo

Well, last night my nearly-2-days-late dear AF showed in all her glory. It happened just as Adam was about to leave to go to dinner with our friends. I took this one a little harder than before. I'm not sure why, but I found myself laying in bed crying and watching Steel Magnolias (my favorite movie for crying about diabetes and pregnancy). I tanked up on my muscle relaxers and pain killers, and hugged my Kleenex and heating pad and had myself a good crying fit!

It is starting to get to me. Starting to creep into my mind that there must be something wrong. I've got my OB appointment looming in the future (the Tuesday after Thanksgiving), and I've definitely got some concerns to share with her. This is my 6th TTC cycle, and I know many who have tried for much longer. I just know that I've been charting, temping, following all the gross signs of fertility, using OPKs, and we've been timing impeccably.

I have learned a great deal about myself through all of this.  I have learned that I'm a late ovulater (usually day 15 or 16) and that I have a relatively short luteal phase (12 days). I know for a fact that I do ovulate (something I had been concerned about at times before). I know that my body does a lot of things right. I have regular cycles (27-28 days long... every month). It is just the things that I don't know that are killing me. I want to know that it will happen. Be it 2 months or even 2 years from now, just knowing that we are okay and it will eventually happen would give me such reassurance. But there is no way of knowing that....

One thing I have given some consideration as a possible issue is that I ovulate on Saturday or Sunday every cycle, and that ovulation time ALWAYS falls on mine and Adam's weekend to work. On that weekend we are working long (12 hour) shifts and by the time we get home, eat dinner, and get to bed for the business to take place we are exhausted. It is C quality BD at best. I've often thought that if we could both switch our weekends on one of those "O" weekends it might help our chances of conception. But that is a task almost impossible... it is a bitch for nurses to try to trade weekends.

I often think that this simply will not happen until I am out of PICU and finally get the nurse practitioner job I've been looking for for the past year. This may be God's plan. In the mean time, without that prospect anywhere in the near future, I need to make a decision. Do I or do I not ask to pursue fertility help when I go to see my OB doc on Tuesday? Do I keep going through this misery month after month to only be heartbroken when the month ends? Or do I fight to see yet another doctor who will analyze both me and Adam, potentially adding stress to this whole already stressful thing, only to potentially find out that nothing is wrong? I don't know what to do.

I hate how sometimes God takes the scenic route with things in life that you want.... but I have to keep trusting that one day it will all make sense.

4th time is a charm???

UGH!!! I have spent the past two days and nights sick... again! This would be my 4th stomach virus of the year (not that I'm counting or anything). And, oh boy, does it get worse!! This past week goes as follows...

Friday (11/12) 3:30AM- I wake up in excruciating pain

Saturday (11/13) - Diagnosed with muscle strain in my neck. Prescribed Flexeril, Darvocet, and Lodine

Sunday (11/14) - Still some pain, but getting better

Monday (11/15) - Work, day goes alright, just a small amount of pain, take Motrin. I realize that I have an ulcer on my lip the size of a pencil eraser. Start applying vaseline to my lip round the clock to keep it from cracking open.

Tuesday (11/16) - At work in PICU, 11:10am realize I have a UTI when I go to pee and it feels like razor blades. Work til 7:00Pm so I just stopped by Publix and bought some Cranberry Juice on the way home. Pushing fluids. Still taking flexeril at night for neck pain.

Wednesday (11/17) - Work. We had one call in, so just me and Jill to cover phones, pump trainings, and clinic. (Impossible). MY UTI IS KILLING ME!! I realize at 2:45pm when Jill tells me that she is leaving early to go to a hair appointment that there is no chance in hell that I'm gonna get to leave early to go to the doctor. I write myself a prescription for Bactrim and have one of the doctors sign it.

As a side note here- I take a CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL prescription, where it is CLEARLY obvious that I have written the prescription and had someone else sign it, to CVS. They actually filled it! SCORE!!

Thursday (11/18) - Work. Not a bad day. Get home to see a surprise 36 mg/dl staring back at me from my meter. Treat the low. Start feeling horrible.

10:00PM- Vomiting starts and continues every 15-30 minutes throughout the rest of the night. Enter diarrhea. I am laying on the bathroom floor begging God to take it all away and help me to feel better.

Friday (11/19) - Vomiting stops at 5:00AM. Cramps start at 9:00 AM (Oh, yeah... my period is supposed to start today... YIPPY!!) Basically feel like my food is 2 seconds away from coming up all day... sleep A LOT!!


SO... HOW IS THAT FOR A WEEK!!!  A strained neck muscle, ulcerated lip, UTI, stomach virus, and a yet to start but impending period... Geez!!!

Hope ya'll have a better week that I have had!

World Diabetes Day

Happy World Diabetes Day everyone! I myself spent this day shopping for groceries and cooking! I tried a homemade bread recipe for the first time tonight... I made french bread and it turned out so yummy!! I also made pita chips and chicken salad for the week ahead.

Let's see... this weekend Adam and I went up to north Alabama to visit my family. Thursday I was in PICU and took care of a kid that would scream if I put him down even for a second, so I ended up holding him and carrying him around with me all day- for 12 hours! I ended my day at work by giving him a bath, during which he screamed and fought the entire time! Then at 3:30 am the following morning I awoke to the most awful pain I have ever experienced in my neck and back. We went on and traveled up to my moms that afternoon and I just took Tylenol, Motrin, Aleve and the 1 torodol I had left over from my last migraine. It was miserable!

That night we went to dinner at a German place in Huntsville and my grandmother got to leave rehab for the evening to come eat with us... she's doing a lot better, and it was great to see her! She should get to leave rehab on Tuesday of this week to come home. Anyways... it was a great dinner and then when we got back home I took one of my mom's muscle relaxers and went to bed. 11:45pm- Wake up again in excruciating pain.

So, Saturday Adam and I spent 3 hours at an Urgent Care Center. The doctor that saw me said that I have a muscle strain and prescribed me Darvocet, Flexaril, and Lodine. I've been feeling better little by little, but I'll be so glad when this pain is over!! He said that I would need an xray by the end of the week if the pain didn't go away.

So today I went to Sams and Walmart and bought a bunch of stuff! I'm so excited to use my new KitchenAid mixer  I went ahead and bought a bunch of stuff to bake with for the holidays, and as I mentioned earlier I made bread today. So I can cross that one off the list! :)

This entry has been pretty pointless. I'm now POD 7 in my cycle, so I'm starting to get to the point where I want to test. Every month it is like a battle with myself to not test until at least POD 12. I should really just not test at all because AF usually shows on POD 13 anyways, but I'm compulsive and I like to know before AF shows that she is coming for sure! Anyways... don't test, don't test, don't test.... and while you're at it don't even think about it. Worrying keeps you from getting pregnant... don't you know that by now!! (BTW... I'm really tired of people telling me to just not think about it!)

So today I was checking out at Walmart and the cashier was really "interesting." She started off conversation by telling me how much she HATES people that use re-usable bags (me) and she hates trying to bag groceries in them (as I hand her 8 of them). Then when she gets to the pregnancy test she pulls it out and starts quizzing me on whether or not I am ready for children (yes, I am) and how long we've been trying (6 months) and if we have seen a fertility specialist (REALLY?!?!?). I swear some people are just ridiculous!

Anyways... if you read all of that I'm impressed and you must be bored! :)

Three Little Years

Today is mine and Adam's 3rd anniversary. We have been through a lot in these past three years. Our relationship was such a baby when we were engaged, and it seems like time just flies now. I just wanted to take the time to remember all that we have been through and look ahead at the biggest things that we have to look forward to. I know that we have a long future ahead of us, and I am so excited about everything we will experience on the road ahead.

DC 2006

Adam's 26th Birthday

2009

My friend Rachel's wedding

Our Wedding

November 10, 2007

Philadelphia 2008- Phillies Game

Gatlinburg 2009

Grayton Beach

2010

Adam's 28th Birthday

2010

Birmingham Botanical Gardens

2005

To my wonderful husband, best friend, and soul mate, Adam, I love you!!

Food Frenzy (Rip Off of a friend)

Food Survey stolen from Newlywed Musings... Enjoy!!
1. What is your favorite dessert?

        CUPCAKES!!

2. Ever cooked a meal and failed miserably?

Fried Chicken... I've only tried this once since we've been married, but Adam loves fried chicken, so I decided to try it one night. I know that I was trying to cook it too fast now, but it turned out just awful!! The inside was bloody and the outside was black burnt... I think we had Chick-fil-A for dinner that night!

3. Is there a dish you haven't made but really want to?




I want to learn how to make bread. I just got a new KitchenAide mixer for my birthday (yesterday) and I am ready to put that thing to work!!


Also, I would like to make homemade lasagna... I just feel like it seems like a LOT of work, and I never really have the time.

4. What is your favorite food?



My favorite food would probably be sushi. I have severe cravings for sushi. I made Adam go with me to get it at least once a month. I just love it! I get the "not real" sushi though.... some of my favorites are Crunchy Shrimp Roll, Bagel Roll, Kyoto Roll, Gynza Roll, Spider Roll.... the list goes on and on.... :)

5. What is your least favorite food?



I absolutely HATE, DESPISE, ABHOR collard greens... won't even get near them.... they are just nasty! Once, as a kid my mom made me eat them, just a tiny bite, and I threw up! Just don't even try to get me to eat them.... ugh!

6. Do you have any seasonal meals you like?

Let's see...




Winter: Chili and Mexican Cornbread



Spring: Nothing really ringing a bell here... Maybe because Alabama doesn't really have a distinct spring... we just go from winter to summer in about 2 days usually.

        

Summer: Grilled steak with salad and watermelon (usually always our 4th of July feast!)



Fall: Football foods (terrible for you) like sausage balls, chips and dip, rotel, spinach dip, and grilled foods.



Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks!



And of course... Turkey and dressing (southern style dressing... not stuffing)
7. What is your comfort food?



Weird, but probably breakfast. My mom didn't cook much, but she cooked a big breakfast every Sunday, and I still think breakfast is one of my favorite meals. Not to mention that after I eat it on a lazy morning I always feel like napping right after.

8. Chocolate: milk, dark or white?



                 Yes, please!!!!!




Alright, your turn! Tag yourself and tell me your food likings.

Random Goings On...

Hi all! I just wanted to type out a quick entry to share with everyone what all as been going on in my life recently. Let's see... the past couple weeks have been BUSY!!

It all started on the weekend of the 23rd. Adam and I got a chance to take a little trip to a lake nearby in Wedowee Alabama for the weekend. We just went away together. On Friday night we cooked pancakes and watched scary movies. The cabin was 4 miles down a dirt road without anything in site. It had a huge common room with windows all around so it made watching scary movies all that much scarier! I loved it! Then on Saturday I got up super early and watched the sunrise and drank some coffee. AF showed that day so I was feeling a little crappy, but I just took it easy and we had a lazy day. I cooked us some breakfast and we watched Gameday and then we played card games and read books and watched football all day. We grilled steaks and made smores that night on a fire pit. Then Sunday morning we just woke up early and laid around for a while. It was a great get-away for us!

When we got home I worked Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I had my doctors appointment that I already talked about. It was a really terrible day at work that day, but then I had the great report from the doctor. That night my friend Jenny was in town so we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate a good report! It was awesome!

Last Friday was The Rocky Horror Picture Show Masquerade Ball!! I love it! I go every year. This year Adam's friend Jolene and my friend Jenny went with me. It was a blast as usual!! I love to dress all crazy and go and participate in the show. It is definitely my favorite thing about Halloween.

Then on Saturday I got up early and my friend Jill and I went to diabetes camp down in Alex City for Camp Seale Harris' Family Weekend. We had to talk for about an hour and a half about insulin pumps and technology to the families with kids with diabetes. It was good and our talk went well. We had a lot of interaction from the families so that definitely helped us out! After our talk was finished we went out and just enjoyed the day. The weather was AMAZING! We played on the playground, did the zipline, sat out on a pier and talked, and walked a nature trail. It was a fantastic day, until.....



About 7pm that night I got a text from Adam saying to call my mother ASAP because my grandmother had had a stroke. This was her 2nd stroke. She had one back in 2008 in the week between when Adam's dad died and when my dad died. This time it affected her speech. Luckily her movement wasn't affected too much, but unlucky for everyone she can't really figure out words and she gets confused at times about who she is and who we are. It is really sad and frustrating for her. I went and stayed with her in the hospital all day on Tuesday. It was good to just get to spend some one-on-one time with her. She is in really good spirits considering!

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. My grandmother was moved to HealthSouth rehab yesterday for 3 weeks so hopefully they will be able to make some progress with her and she will show some improvements soon.

My birthday is Monday and our anniversary is on Wednesday next week, so lots of happy coming in the next couple days.

In baby making news, it is O time again, so cross fingers for something good to happen! :)

If you made it through all of that, I'm impressed!!

WHOO HOO!!! Quick update

More on this to come, but.....

I went to the doctor today and my BP was 103/67, my thyroid labs were PERFECT for pre-pregnancy, and my A1c was 5.8%.....

yeah.... I pretty much rock! :)

j/k....

In case you want to hit me right now cause you think "that is all just too perfect" my weight was 194 up from 187 last time... so..... I guess everything can't always be perfect.

Oh well... just wanted to share!

The Strength of Women

There have been times in my life where I have felt like wonder woman.

There have been other times where I see wonder woman in my friends.

The journey of trying to conceive has been no exception to this.

While there have been ups and downs, break-ups, failures, illness, and even death among my friends and I over the years, I would venture to say that this endeavor has been and will always be one of the hardest we have faced together. Each at the same place in life, but experiencing our own difficulties along the way.

I will say where this is coming from without continuing my banter. My dear friend, who just 9 weeks ago broke my heart with her fantastic news, is now experiencing a heart break of her own. Yesterday at her first appointment she went into the ultrasound room to see an empty uterus. There was no baby.

She sent me a text that simply said, "At the doctors apt. There is no baby." My heart broke for a second time at the hands of her news. Follow-up on this information revealed that she had a blighted ovum. A very common experience for many women with first-trimester miscarriages. Basically there was a problem very early on in the pregnancy, and while the placenta continued to develop, the baby did not. The real bitch of it all is that because of the placenta development, she continues to feel pregnant, with the sickness, fatigue, and soreness of it all.

She basically has three options: 1. Have a D&C, go under general anesthesia and have her uterus lining, placenta and all scraped out, 2. Take Prostin E2- a vaginal suppository that will induce her uterus to expel the contents within (very painful), or 3. Wait until her body decides to naturally expel the placenta (also painful). She called me today and told me that she has decided to go with the third option, as that will give her the best peace of mind with the whole situation. So she is just waiting for what feels like a baby, even though she now knows it isn't, to miscarry.

Talk about strength- She said to me on the phone today, "So, I'll pray that you conceive this month, and you pray that I miscarry." UGH!! Being a woman sucks on so many new levels now! If after two weeks she still hasn't miscarried naturally, she will go back to the Dr on October 25th, have another ultrasound to see the empty uterus, and be left with the first two options, of which she has decided to go with option number two. If that is the case she will be going through with her m/c on October 27th. So she says over the phone, "So I'll have to miscarry around the same time you're taking a pregnancy test this month." Again, to this I say... UGH!

Why does this all have to be so hard? Why is that one minute I am crying because she has something I so desperately want? And why is it that I can reconnect with another friend through this struggle, only to find out that she too is fighting her own battle? And why does fate have to throw such a nasty curve ball her way? And why is it that now, seeing her grief that I wish to not be pregnant this month?

I know that in all of this we have no hand in what we are dealt. We have no way to control what God will provide and what He will take away.

But I just want to take this time to say... Damn we are strong. Women will endure and go on. Women will take one hit after another and continue to love. Women can feel hurt and love in equal parts and continue. Women can rejoice and grieve simultaneously.

And for this I say I love you all for what you go through, and I hate what you have to go through.

Prayers for all the women I have known and will know.... May your lives be less complicated, and may God provide you with the strength to endure.

Well... Time marches on...

I'm feeling much better since my last post. Thank you to everyone who opened up to me to offer support. I had a rough couple of weeks, but with each day things got a little better. It helped to take the month of September off from "trying." It was almost like reclaiming who I was before all I thought about was ovulation and cycle days. I feel much more level now... like with each passing month I got more and more worked up about everything, and last month was a great release for all that stress.

So... AF has showed, and a decision must be made. I know in the heat of the moment when I was so upset all I could think was "I don't even want to try anymore" and now after remembering what it was all about anyways... I think I'm ready to "try" again. Maybe not with the ferocity as before, but more than restarting birth control. I am going to give up on the stress of trying to make it happen now, and just hope that it happens soon.

I can't promise that I won't go nuts again. I hope I don't....

Anyways, this is a bittersweet time of year for me and Adam. Today is two years since Adam's father's death. Which means that in two weeks it will be two years since my father died. It is so hard to believe that two years has past already. I suppose that is how things go though...

So until next time...

Heartbroken

Well, yesterday afternoon my very best friend in the whole world called me to tell me that she is, in fact, pregnant. This was her first month to try, and her period never showed. Pregnant. Just like that. Pregnant.

Whew... I'm not sure what I should say here.

I reacted the way I'd hoped I would react to this news. See... in my gut I knew the news was coming. Let's face it... she is perfect after all. No diabetes. No thyroid problems. Healthy. Strong. Works from home. Doesn't have to pay for her house. Super organized. Close to the man upstairs. Closer to Him than me. Okay... So, I reacted positively.

I AM THRILLED FOR HER!!

I really am. If I take myself out of the equation. You know, the way a perfectly unselfish, strong woman would. I am completely thrilled for her and her husband. They aren't going through this anymore. She doesn't have to experience a period off of birth control. She doesn't have to try and try and wonder if there is something wrong. She doesn't have to feel sick all month long for various reasons. She knows. She doesn't have to question. They are so lucky.

So... I guess that is all I can say here. I'm so happy for them. They are so lucky. I'm grieving good news. I didn't sleep all night. I've felt like throwing up since I talked to her yesterday. I've cried like someone on suicide watch. So DAMN emotional.

The worst is that I feel like this places a pressure on me. I know that she will feel guilty a little. We're just good friends like that. She'll have a little pity for me. And I HATE that. I hate that at every milestone, every shower, ever phone call, the question will loom in the air "Do I have news for her?" I can't imagine keeping on... I can't imagine it. So, I'm making a decision. I need some time.

She needs some time for this to be her experience.

I need some time to feel like it is my decision again.

So, we aren't trying this month. When my period starts at the end of this month I'm going to restart my birth control. For a month, or two months, or a year. I just can't do this right now. It's hers. It no longer feels like it can be ours. I don't know if this makes me a selfish person? A bad friend? A bad person all together?

I feel like a bad person. This is the worst that happiness has ever hurt.
Pure Heart break.

Forever ago....

A long, long time ago.... I had a blog. And I enjoyed that blog, until one day I found out that I had nothing to write about. And the days went by and one after another they passed, still with noting to write about, until one day when I had news.... I'm pregnant!!

Ha, ha. Just kidding! No news here. I just wanted everyone out there to have the same feelings I get every month as I wait and wait and then find out... no, not this month. It's not that getting pregnant is all I have to live for. I love my husband. I love our house. I even like my job most days. It's just that once we got the go ahead and all the pieces were in place it seemed like everything would happen quickly. I guess two very intelligent medical professionals might know what they are talking about after all when they say it could take me a while to get pregnant.

And so the months go by, and by, and by, and now it is September! Can you believe it? Fall is coming, football is here, and it is definitely my favorite time of the year! I try to stay on the bright side and think at least I have one more football game with beer! :o) haha But seriously, it is such an emotional roller coaster this TTC. I am just thankful to have good friends who are supportive and the internet to turn to for questions.

I am a little nervous though, because our really close friends are getting married in June (you know, 9 months from now) and I've had some wavering thoughts on continuing to try this month. On the one hand if we try and nothing, then no one would have to know. On the other, if this just happens to be the month, and we don't try... well... you know, that would suck. If we try and get pregnant at least there would be a good warning on the "Hey, I can't be in your wedding." But I'm afraid that would hurt our friends feelings. I know... I'm worrying too much. I guess that is just the future mother in me. I'm a worrier!

Then to add even more awful to the mix, we are now entering the time of year when people who get pregnant are really really pregnant in the summer.... in ALABAMA! Now, I know most of you who read my blog are not from Alabama, so you will need to picture being big ole preggers with all the swelling, weight, and pain on the surface of the sun, and you will understand this dilemma. Now, not that it will stop us from trying, but damn that just sounds awful!

LOL! Oh well.... put on a happy face! :o)

Miserable

So... I have had the worst blood sugars in the past week or so! I was doing fantastic, and now I don't know what is going on? I haven't seen the 300's with a good site in almost 6 months, but for some reason the past two days have seen 3 of them > 300mg/dl. I feel miserable... thus the title of this post. I just keep correcting and re-checking and correcting and re-checking. I really wish I had that CGM right now... it would make life so much easier! (Or it might just stress me out beyond belief!)

The thought has crossed my mind that this month could be the BFP month with all these crazy numbers, but I've had absolutely no other symptoms of pregnancy. I'm not sure when those start either!?

I got the lab results back from my doctors office and my TSH was a little low. It had been high my last appointment and he increased my synthroid. So he said that the low TSH would make it a little harder to get pregnant, but that it would be better for the baby for it to be a little low. I don't really feel like I know nearly as much about the hypothyroidism in pregnancy as I do diabetes and pregnancy, but my doctor is a lot more worried about the thyroid problems than he is diabetes. I don't know... I trust him, but I'm definitely going to have to look into it more myself. I can't stand not knowing all I can about something so important to me!

In other news, I've come up with two research topics I'm going to work on and try to get something published. I feel like I'm waiting so long for a nurse practitioner job to open up that I might as well use my degree to do something in the mean time. I'm going to meet with one of the doctors I work with on Monday to discuss my topics. I'm also going to talk to her a little bit about the diabetes and pregnancy stuff, since she is a type 1 and has had 2 healthy pregnancies. I will say that both of my topics have to do with insulin pump therapy in pediatrics. Hopefully, she will be willing to mentor me through the whole publication process. I've done it once before, but that has been years ago!

Well... I'm going to go take a nap. This high is wiping me out... I feel just terrible! Y'all have a good one!

D-Feast Friday!

Alright... so I hear it is D-Feast Friday!

My recipe is for some truly southern-style cuisine...

Lo-Country Shrimp n Grits

You take some grits (I use Quaker) and get them to cookin on the stove (just use the instructions on the box).

Take about a pound of de-veined, peeled shrimp and put them aside.

Cut up 1 small onion.

Cube up some bacon or ham.

Grate 2-3 cloves of garlic.

Now... you open up a beer, and pour about 1/2 - 3/4 of it in a pan. (The rest is for the cook!) You'll also want to put a good bit of butter or margarine in the pan too. (In the south we refer to this as a butter beer sauce.) Then add your onion, bacon or ham, and garlic. Let all that cook down until the onion is soft and you have that good marriage aroma coming from your seasonings. Now your gonna add in your shrimp. You also want to add in a bit of pepper- some Cayenne pepper and a few red pepper flakes if you got em. Cook all this together until your shrimp are done and you have a nice little sauce that is cooking down.

Now... your grits are cooked and they are soft (I know most people don't know how to cook grits, but they shouldn't be hard!) Your gonna want to add some type of sharp white cheese to your grits... I usually use Havarti or white cheddar. You also need to add some salt and pepper to the grits... more pepper than salt. Once your grits are ready you can set them aside.

Now back to the shrimp... you need to take everything out of the pan but the sauce. Set the shrimp and stuff aside and turn up the heat on that sauce... Cook it down until you have a nice little reduction to serve.

Now to serve it all up... Get some big bowls...

Put a little sauce in the bottom of the bowl and then add your cheesy grits so that it looks like the grits are swimming in a pool of sauce. Next you pile on the toppings (shrimp, garlic, onion, and ham or bacon). Finally you garnish it with some nice parsley.

Serve it up with some beer or some good ole sweet tea, and you've got yourself one damn fine meal! :o)

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

I think I can... I think I can... I think I can....

So today was the much anticipated Endocrinology appointment... So, without further ado, I give you an a1c... 6.0%! Come on... be excited!!!

Ok.... so I wasn't excited. I can't help but feel like every time I see my doctor it is like I'm sitting on the stand and the jury is all of my friends and family and of course... my doctor. So... things to celebrate: my blood pressure had been borderline on my last visit and there had been mention of starting BP meds if it was still high. Today is was 121/84! Yay! It was better = no more medicine, THANK YOU! My weight was also a little better. Down to 187 from 194. I'll take it! (Although... I've been working my hinney off at the gym for THAT!?! There is Nothing fair about working out!)

I also feel like to my doctor I am the patient that he dreads seeing... I'm the one that he knows is going to talk and talk and ask questions and give him homework! :o) I am... I freely admit it, but the way I see it, if I have to spend my time with him every 3 months, he can spend his time with me every 3 months.

So the question list:
1- Pump upgrade
2- CGMS appeal
3- Increasing strips
4- Why does my OB want my a1c <6% and should I worry?
5- Is Baptist Shelby really ok?
6- Should I find a UAB OB/GYN
7- How often do I have to get my thyroid checked?

BOOM!

Answers:
1- He will work on getting my pump prescription processed
2- He will write a letter to my insurance to help with processing the cgms, if it still doesn't work (doesn't look promising) I will just pay out of pocket for the transmitter and sensors (an estimated $2,000 of expenses just for the pregnancy).
3- He increased my strips to cover me testing 8x per day. AND he told me I have to decrease checking my blood sugar to 8x per day, as he says anything over that is excessive.
4- He feels like my OB is just more accustomed to working with type 2 and GD and that she doesn't know too much about type 1. He thinks that the perfect a1c is 6.0 - 6.5 as long as there aren't too many lows. He showed me several articles about the risks of severe hypoglycemia with a1c <6 in T1DM. He did say that it would be safe to have an a1c <6 if I had CGMS so that I could watch and prevent lows. I mentioned earlier that I wasn't excited about my a1c of 6.0, but I was really expecting more 5.6 or so. I thought that all the extra finger pricks and work would bring my a1c down. After all- don't all the blogs and forums have tons of T1DMs that have a1c's 5.5 and below? Oh well, I guess for me that won't be what is expected. I don't know if I could even do it... I gave it my best efforts this time and the a1c only budged from 6.3 to 6.0. Oh well...
5- Baptist Shelby is ok. He wants me to stay there- he is going to write a letter to my ob and send her my lab work as well. This should help out with their communication on what they expect of me. It helps me to feel a little bit more relaxed.
6- No. Stick with who I am comfortable with and he will work with her.
7- This is what he is mostly concerned with. He said that of all of his patients- controlled and not that he has never seen a complicated diabetic pregnancy, but that is not the case for thyroid problems. He wants to see me every couple weeks for thyroid labs.

So I left feeling good... Directions are to give him a call when I get that so desired and elusive BFP.

Will do!

(I think I can.... I think I can.... I think I can!)

OMG... Two days in a row!

So there is a lot I've been meaning to vent about, you know... share with the world all of my deep and personal secrets! ;)

I was denied the CGMS by my insurance. BIG FAT DENIAL! I found out last week... I think on Wednesday. It felt pretty defeating too. I contacted the representative at Medtronic who has been working to get it for me and she said that she had spoken with someone from my insurance who said that they would never approve it. That is wasn't covered under what my insurance believes is necessary medical equipment. I'd like to show them what necessary is! Show them the 30,000 holes I have in my fingers from what seems like a million bg checks. Show them the worry and stress that I feel now over my blood sugars being crazy... I can't imagine what that will be like when I'm carrying a baby around with me all the time! Ugh... I just hate how insurance companies can be so greedy sometimes. I ask if I could still pay for it out of pocket and Kathryn at Medtronic said that I could... Tally up all the costs and it adds up to about $4,500 per year. I talked with Adam about it and he said maybe once I know I am pregnant that we could get it, but that still makes me feel sad about it all.

I'm not sure why either, but my blood sugars have been a lot higher lately. I know I had my perfect bg after dinner at the beach, but my averages have increased by almost 40mg/dl over the last two weeks, which thoroughly depresses me! My 7 day average is currently higher than it was the last time I had my a1c checked (it was 6.3 then). At one point about two weeks ago I had my average down to 98mg/dl for the week and two week and 99 for the month average. Something is awry here! I know I am off birth control now, which could make for some changes, but I am also about to start my period. My endo once mentioned to me that some women experience some insulin resistance in the week before their period, but I've never had that problem when I was on BC. We've been using back up BC, so I know I'm not preggers, but man... If I could just beat myself up over my BGs I would... or wait... I already am.

And one more thing while I'm on my soap box rant.... My mother told me while I was at home that she has a date (my dad died in 2008) with the man who she used to date while my parents were separated when I was 14. Not only is she going to go on a date with this man, but she is meeting him in Birmingham (where I live) to go on this date. She hasn't come to Birmingham to visit us since July 2009. Seriously?!? Ugh... Parents... what can you do, you know?

So... I still haven't heard anything about the Medtronic Revel, so I'm just going to go and sent another email about that one... and as far as CGMS goes, I'm going to try again with my insurance, just for the hell of it, I guess. And hopefully I can reign in these blood sugars again (crossing fingers). And as far as my mom... I want her to be happy, so what can I do?

Ah... anyways!

VACATION !!!

Hey there! Long time... no post! Adam and I have been really busy lately and I've neglected the online community very badly... hope I can be forgiven.

First of all... I got home from my mom's (she is doing well by the way) and then it was right back to work! I have been working about 60 hours/ week at the hospital in preparation for our new online charting go live. I had to take a few extra classes since I was a superuser for the program. We went live with it two weeks ago, and because of my extra training I had to work a few extra shifts to help troubleshoot any problems that arose. There were a few minor glitches, but all is working out.

Last weekend Adam and I were both working 12 hour shifts and on the way to work we passed a billboard advertising for Panama City Beach (saying that the "Gulf Coast is still open for business!"). It hit me so hard I couldn't help but go. I get urges like that... where I just have to get out of town... go on to somewhere nice and relaxing. So I talked Adam into rearranging his schedule... and I rearranged my schedule and we went to Carillon Beach (West of Panama City) this weekend. We left at 8pm Thursday and made it to our condo by 1am on Friday morning.

We had a fantastic time at the beach... eating, drinking, and laying in the sun. We went to The Boatyard for dinner on Friday and then Red Bar for dinner last night. Food was amazing! On Friday night we had this paradiso maki sushi roll (it had salmon, pineapple, creamy dill sauce, asparagus, and fried tempura- it was DELICIOUS), then for dinner I had the Key Lime Garlic Shrimp and Adam had Shrimp and Grits. Altogether it was a wonderful meal. (Complete with 2 Cosmopolitans- yum!) Then Saturday night we went to Red Bar at Grayton, Beach and met up with some friends. Adam got crabcakes, and I got the blackened grouper that came with a fried cheese grit cake! Finished off the food with 2 Mojitos (that were absolutely perfectly mixed- not too sweet) and 1 Mic Ultra. BG after dinner-- 100mg/dl exactly! GO ME! :)

The beach was also nice... I don't know how much of the news spreads to the world outside of the south, but everyone down here is worried SICK about the oil pouring into our beautiful gulf! You hear rumors everyday about this beach or that beach being closed because of black oily water and beaches. And tar balls... everyone talks about "Oh, well, you know... Panama City has all the tar balls washing up!" Well, we were just there and I can tell you the truth... no tar balls, no oil slicks, just sea weed. (As far as our trip was concerned anyway) Our friends that we met for dinner did text me today and said that tar balls were showing up on the beach at Destin. It truly is a tragedy for everyone... makes me so sad!

So anyways... now we are home and I am getting back to reality. No more extravagance or guilty pleasures... back to work, and the gym, and drinking water. Back to trying to lose a few pounds before we have a baby on board. Back to counting all those calories and balancing them carefully. Back to stressing over the blood sugars and worrying what they are going to do to me when I am pregnant. Pretty much just back to life as usual around here. :) But, at least now I can say that I've gotten a vacation... I've had a break and gotten away from it all. I'm glad to be home... and to get back to a routine... and gosh... there were some darn cute kids at the beach... Made us wonder how ours will turn out!